Sunday, June 16, 2013


A big huge spell of randomness... Utterly normal, day to day stuff... Nothing really new...

All this broken today morning- by rains!!

Rains, coming down in torrents (oops, not the file sharing types), flooding away all the stagnated feelings, drenching the body and cleansing the soul...

The sheer, unadulterated joy of roaming around aimlessly in the rains, making faces at kids who reply back in kind!! The feeling of water gushing through your toes as you wade away... Taking a slide at a earthen mound lubricated by water... Intoxicating!!!

But why am I trying to describe it? It was too good to be put down in words... Almost too good to have happened... Was it all a dream?? My wet T Shirt says otherwise....

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Fifth Anniversary

I dunno why, but somehow this date is important to me. Or rather, I do know why. But I cannot put it across in words. To use an oft abused statement, language, like all other human inventions is imperfect and hence inadequate to describe something completely, perfectly.

I think I'll Let it be at this, for it will be pointless to write any more.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Something Funny

Endless cups of special chai (with extra adrak!!), a novel in hand and glorious winter sunshine.... Heavenly, right??? But why does it feel as if something is amiss???

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Finding Nemo

Yesterday, I was coming back from a hospital with my dad after finally convincing him to get a routine medical check up done. The weather was perfect, a bright sunny winter mid day. The road was deserted and flanked by semi temperate forests on either side, and I found dad in a surprisingly chatty mood.

It was as if his guard was relaxed, he could talk to me about his childhood. We talked of his schooling, the difficulties he faced, the fun he had (and I was shocked my dad has done all this) and lots of other things... And all of a sudden I realised, he considers me a grown up man now. Someone he can share things with, rather than someone he has to take care of. And it was initially a scary thought, but later, it sank in somewhat. Not that it has yet sunk in fully- that will take quite some time.

But it gave me a tremendous feel good sensation- a high better than any other I have experienced till date. I am scared, conscious and yet extremely excited and happy. Is it all possible or am I just becoming soft in the head???

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Sitting on my backside doing nothing throughout the day, I realised how empty it all felt... And then one more shock hit home- I wanted to talk quite a lot, but there was noone I could talk to. It was not the fault of my friends- they were finally getting a much deserved free personal time. And then, when I started looking back, I realised that this feeling of discontent had been inside me ever since I had gone to Bangalore, ever since my friends had got busy preparing for their own life's main event.

But if I am asked whether I feel unhappy with myself because of this selfishness, I would be hard put to answer. Cos there is selfishness, to that I agree. But I do not mind it. Maybe I am not very content with myself because I have let this chink develop in myself wherein I require someone to talk to. And that's why I have spent the last couple of days as far away from my mobile as possible. To see whether I can regain those good ol' days of yore when I could willfully shut off my connections with my friends for a week or so and sit back and enjoy my solitude.

And I think the treatment is working. Of course there is nothing to do and an empty mind is the devil's workshop and all that, but then my thoughts are straying only in two directions. Once I can control them completely, it would be great, for it would be like the days of old.

But maybe I do not want my thoughts to stop straying from the search of the missing phone number, for maybe I still seek redemption in it. My mind knows there is nothing in it, but what the hell to do with the thoughts??? Anyways, the next 10 days or 20 at the maximum should see all the pending issues resolved. And then, once I am back in Chandigarh, I should be a man almost as ood as new. Or so I hope....

Monday, November 30, 2009

Reality Check

Just back home after attending the marriages of two of my closest friends, I lapsed into what dear not-so-old Shantanu calls a moody silence.

The marriages were not the catalyst, but long train journeys indeed provided the mind with some free space and time to work overtime in. And of course, the starting point was that a friend (or someone who had been a very close friend not so long ago) who needed to curtly remind me that even though I may feel like talking, the other person just might not be there to listen. Things change, circumstances change. And so do people. I guess it is ok for them all to change. The only thing being, one must be more prepared to handle change. Because quite a few things came a bolts from the blue for me.

Anyways, preparedness for change is something that may or may not be a hypothetical issue, but moving on with life most definitely is not hypothetical. So that is what I need to do now. And even though I can draw sinister parallels from a visit home a year and a half ago, when started a train of thought and action that is partly responsible for all the ruins around today, I still think I will react to the change. I will try to move on with life. And I most definitely will not be cowed by what happened earlier. So come on, life- Bring it on!!!!!

Friday, October 23, 2009

The Day That Never Comes...

Yesterday, a funny thing happened. Funny in my own queer sense, i mean. Those without my warped sense of humour may find it slightly exacting, and since this part would consist of the world's population minus one, I suggest that the intelligent reader may skip the rest of this post as it is just about blabbering balderdash.

To put it in a nutshell, I have not been having the best of times with my dear not-so-old friend Shantanu of late. Basically, there were a couple of things, mostly professional and a couple of normal civil etiquette which I did not like about his behaviour of late. And a couple of days ago, I endeavoured to tell him about them over a mug of splendid coffee at Java Dave's. Now I know that the music being played in the place named above was capital, but it does tax one when one is talking serious stuff to a supposedly good friend and the supposedly good friend is looking at the roof, the floor and everywhere but towards one, all the while tapping his foot away to the song being played with the slightest regard to the piece of friendly advice being dished out. So to sum it up, I was piqued.

Then sometime later, this supposedly good friend decides to organise a bonfire on behalf of all bachelors present here, without having any discussion with the rest of the people who expect to be in the core group of things. As I have had the occasion to remark earlier, I was piqued, and then some more with this new act. So in spite of the fact that I would have loved to be a part of the festivities, I deliberately absented myself from the proceedings of the aforementioned bonfire. Now, the bonfire taking place almost right in front of my room, I had to be elsewhere at the time of the proceedings so as to avoid a scene. Hence I decided to leg across to Chandigarh Club.

It was there that I met this old gentleman, a retired principal of some college. We started talking and before five minutes were up, the gentleman became emotional and refused to take no for an answer when he ordered a beer for me. Over a couple of drinks, he came to divine that I was feeling piqued. And lo and behold, I was, probably for the first time in my life, on the receiving end of a verbal discourse over my pet philosophy- the philosophy of no expectations.

Listening to it like someone who is listening to some far fetched fantastical idea for the first time in his life, I realised I had forgotten my core thoughts again. And that is why I was feeling whatever I was feeling. However feelings being feelings and not chalk marks on a blackboard cannot just be rubbed off like chalk marks can be. So I was still kind of piqued, but U decided to come back to the bonfire and at least, bid a farewell to the friends going out of our place.

And as luck would have it, on the way back, my ipod started pouring in "The Day That Never Comes" by Metallica (Death Magnetic). Heavens sending signals???