Something Funny

Endless cups of special chai (with extra adrak!!), a novel in hand and glorious winter sunshine.... Heavenly, right??? But why does it feel as if something is amiss???

Finding Nemo

Yesterday, I was coming back from a hospital with my dad after finally convincing him to get a routine medical check up done. The weather was perfect, a bright sunny winter mid day. The road was deserted and flanked by semi temperate forests on either side, and I found dad in a surprisingly chatty mood.

It was as if his guard was relaxed, he could talk to me about his childhood. We talked of his schooling, the difficulties he faced, the fun he had (and I was shocked my dad has done all this) and lots of other things... And all of a sudden I realised, he considers me a grown up man now. Someone he can share things with, rather than someone he has to take care of. And it was initially a scary thought, but later, it sank in somewhat. Not that it has yet sunk in fully- that will take quite some time.

But it gave me a tremendous feel good sensation- a high better than any other I have experienced till date. I am scared, conscious and yet extremely excited and happy. Is it all possible or am I just becoming soft in the head???

Ramblings...

Sitting on my backside doing nothing throughout the day, I realised how empty it all felt... And then one more shock hit home- I wanted to talk quite a lot, but there was noone I could talk to. It was not the fault of my friends- they were finally getting a much deserved free personal time. And then, when I started looking back, I realised that this feeling of discontent had been inside me ever since I had gone to Bangalore, ever since my friends had got busy preparing for their own life's main event.

But if I am asked whether I feel unhappy with myself because of this selfishness, I would be hard put to answer. Cos there is selfishness, to that I agree. But I do not mind it. Maybe I am not very content with myself because I have let this chink develop in myself wherein I require someone to talk to. And that's why I have spent the last couple of days as far away from my mobile as possible. To see whether I can regain those good ol' days of yore when I could willfully shut off my connections with my friends for a week or so and sit back and enjoy my solitude.

And I think the treatment is working. Of course there is nothing to do and an empty mind is the devil's workshop and all that, but then my thoughts are straying only in two directions. Once I can control them completely, it would be great, for it would be like the days of old.

But maybe I do not want my thoughts to stop straying from the search of the missing phone number, for maybe I still seek redemption in it. My mind knows there is nothing in it, but what the hell to do with the thoughts??? Anyways, the next 10 days or 20 at the maximum should see all the pending issues resolved. And then, once I am back in Chandigarh, I should be a man almost as ood as new. Or so I hope....