Sitting on my backside doing nothing throughout the day, I realised how empty it all felt... And then one more shock hit home- I wanted to talk quite a lot, but there was noone I could talk to. It was not the fault of my friends- they were finally getting a much deserved free personal time. And then, when I started looking back, I realised that this feeling of discontent had been inside me ever since I had gone to Bangalore, ever since my friends had got busy preparing for their own life's main event.
But if I am asked whether I feel unhappy with myself because of this selfishness, I would be hard put to answer. Cos there is selfishness, to that I agree. But I do not mind it. Maybe I am not very content with myself because I have let this chink develop in myself wherein I require someone to talk to. And that's why I have spent the last couple of days as far away from my mobile as possible. To see whether I can regain those good ol' days of yore when I could willfully shut off my connections with my friends for a week or so and sit back and enjoy my solitude.
And I think the treatment is working. Of course there is nothing to do and an empty mind is the devil's workshop and all that, but then my thoughts are straying only in two directions. Once I can control them completely, it would be great, for it would be like the days of old.
But maybe I do not want my thoughts to stop straying from the search of the missing phone number, for maybe I still seek redemption in it. My mind knows there is nothing in it, but what the hell to do with the thoughts??? Anyways, the next 10 days or 20 at the maximum should see all the pending issues resolved. And then, once I am back in Chandigarh, I should be a man almost as ood as new. Or so I hope....